Friday, February 2, 2007

Procrastination

One of the questions I always see asked of professional writers is whether or not they suffer from writer’s block. Some seem to think it doesn’t exist.

I suffer from writer’s block; it’s called a major case of procrastination, which for me equals fear. Hmm, could this be why I'm not a professional?

I’ve heard others describe it as the fear of success. Hell, no, it’s the fear of failure. At least, for me it is. I’ve always been a “the glass is half empty” type of gal. It’s served me well on many a rough patch in my life, always allowing me to safely ride the wave of disappointment.

But I’m also the type of gal who has always wanted more. Not in excess, and not in material wealth. But I’ve wanted more out of life and I make no apologies for it. But it’s the fear of “what if there is no more?”. As Melvin Udall put it, “What if this is as good as it gets?”

That’s the fear that prevents me from planting my keister firmly to chair many a days. You see, if I fail because I didn’t give it my all, I can accept that. I have an excuse to ease the pain. But if I give it my all - 1,002% - and nothing. Wow, it’s hard to live with that, no matter how much we’ve been told that as long as you gave it your all, you should be satisfied.

Hell, no, it won’t do. I set out to obtain a goal, and if I give it more than what I have, then I want to check it off as accomplished and move on to the next set of goals I keep piling on. You see, that’s why I procrastinate. Hell, writing this post is big time fear. I need to be working on a rewrite of the script that placed as a semi-finalist last year in Nicholls. But if I don’t give it my all, I’ll have a reason for not placing higher.

Okay, enough of this “psycho” babble. The point? Why do you keep asking me that? It is what it is. Your goal is to discover what really is. What’s behind everything you do - or don’t do. It’s easy to blame writer’s block for a stalled period, even easier to laugh off procrastination. But it’s tough work to get to the core. As writers, isn’t that our goal every time we sit down to write?

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